A Flurry of Reviews!

I know you’ve noticed. I rarely update this site. Or at least, I don’t update it enough for you to check back regularly without my prodding MySpace bulletins.

I only sporadically update for the following reasons:

(a.) I’m lazy
(b.) I’m busy
(c.) I’m too dashingly handsome to deny the world my striking features by hiding behind a computer screen all night
or
(d.) all of the above

(hint: the answer is (c.) of course)

So, because my beauty must be shared I didn’t get a chance to write long reviews for each movie that I saw the past month (and I saw a bunch). Here are a few miniaturized reviews for the short attention span you proudly embrace as your own.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)

I’ve never seen so much fake blood in a movie, let alone a musical! It sprays and splatters across the screen so frequently and in such quantity it becomes laughable. My initial shock at seeing so much phony blood was the only reaction I had to this underwhelming movie. The music is bland, made more so by the plain singing voices of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, along with other actors not known for their vocal range (Alan Rickman, Sacha Baron Cohen). Burton does a good job of creating a dark, gothic, industrial London, but that has become a bit of a Burton cliché of late. It’s not all bad, of course. If you liked the original Stephen Sondheim musical you’ll most likely enjoy this capable, well-constructed, big screen adaptation.

Charlie Wilson’s War (2007)

Something about this movie rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was the fact that I was supposed to root for a womanizing, alcoholic Texas congressman who becomes a warmongering, alcoholic Texas congressman! What an unbelievable character arc! Maybe it was Julia Roberts playing an ultra-rich, ultra-right wing lobbyist who is a super bitch, but is also super in bed! I don’t believe it! Maybe it was because I was expected to like a man who funded and started a war which supposedly contributed to the fall of Soviet Russia, but also destabilized an already shaky region, allowed a fanatical Islamic regime to coalesce and gain control of said region, and all the while training and arming said Islamic fanatics who would then use their knowledge and networking to attack the US some 15 years later. Whoop! Charlie Wilson, you are a true American hero!

Eastern Promises (2007)

Russians might be the scariest, most rotten people in the world. At least according to the movies that is. (Russians brutally invade Afghanistan in both Charlie Wilson’s War and The Kite Runner. Sweeny Todd is the exception, of course.)

In Eastern Promises Naomi Watts plays a midwife who helps a dying young girl deliver a baby. The young girl turns out to be an underage Russian immigrant who was forced into prostitution by the Russian mob. Watts naively starts snooping around a Russian mob hangout to get to the bottom of who killed the young girl. Viggo Mortensen plays Nikolai, a frightening Russian mobster who will stop at nothing to become an underworld boss, but develops a soft-spot for the plucky Watts, which puts his loyalty to the test.

David Cronenberg directed this film and in his typical fashion the violence is grisly (anyone up for a naked knife fight in a sauna?) and the subject matter is pretty abrasive. As in A History of Violence, Cronenberg continues to explore the theme of violence and butchery hiding just below the surface of polite, ordered society. Just scratch a little and evil men with wicked intentions start to creep up.

The Kite Runner (2007)

The Kite Runner is a faithful, well-made film adaptation of the book that everyone I know who doesn’t usually read books has read, and raved about. Or so I’m told it’s a faithful rendition. I haven’t actually read the book yet. (It’s on my list, don’t worry). For those of you who don’t know the story, its broken into two parts. One part is about an Afghani man named Amir, who goes back to Afghanistan to save his nephew from becoming an sex slave to an Taliban warlord. The most emotional part of the movie, however, is the extended flashback of Amir’s childhood in Tehran and his friendship with his servant, Hassan (who happens to be Amir’s nephew’s father. It’s a complicated story that the film nimbly navigates).

Hassan is played by Ahmad Khan Mahmidzada who has a face of pure sadness and the filmmakers use it for all its worth. One look at his sad eyes and turned-down mouth breaks your heart because you know terrible things are destined for him – like getting beaten up and anally raped by sadistic bullies and then banished by Amir, his embarrassed and cowardly friend. Adult Amir goes back to Afghanistan years later not only to save Hassan’s child but also to redeem himself for his earlier cowardice.

For some reason The Kite Runner didn’t fare well with critics and I can’t really see why. It was filmed competently by Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball, Finding Neverland) and written for maximum dramatic heft by David Benioff (25th Hour). Sometimes the film did feel a little bit like a made-for-TV sob story, and the kite fighting (yes, KITE-fighting) sequences looked awkward at best, but overall, the story was an emotionally cathartic and politically relevant tale of a man’s struggle for redemption. Maybe too many people read the book and were eager to say what all "Readers" say when they see a film adaptation: "Sure the movie was pretty good, but the book was better."